Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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