Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
