I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
