I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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