Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
