Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
