the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
it's like iHOP with fire
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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