she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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