remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
