I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
