Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
