True but thats because hes a fetus.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
