your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
