piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
