Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
