I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
