his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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