I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
