I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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