True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
