dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
