wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
So squirting runs in the family.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
