i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
