I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
