yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
one might say we're banned from that church
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
