Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Randomize
