She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
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