I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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