just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
