Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
We left the knife in your bed.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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