i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
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