Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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