the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
True strength comes from lack of pants
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
