I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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