I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
