I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Randomize
