It's Friday. Sex?
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize
