You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Sacagawea was the original milf.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
