Welp...herpes.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
You ruined the universe
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
