Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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