I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
You are the jesus of drinking
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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