her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
