this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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