Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
