Cold hands, warm shart.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
