we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
