My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Randomize
