it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
