i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
