Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
