Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
It's official drugs can't kill me
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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