The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
