he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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