so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
