We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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