Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
foreskin is a definite game changer
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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