you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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