The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
