Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
