I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
someone owes me an orgasm
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
