anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
