He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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