My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Randomize
