There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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